write, but*

particulate matter

*Inspired by this Monologue of Early Motherhood

Write, but do not write about how the man outside the coffeeshop reminds you of your dad/do not write about your dad/everywhere/anywhere/do not write about relationship/too personal/do not write about babies/do not write about yelling at your daughter in the exact same tone as your mother did/do not yell/yell/yell/yell/yell/you can write about mom rage/just like, keep it light, ok?/how many skinned knees await us/how many lost dogs/dead dogs/broken bones/Christmas mornings/how many chicken sausages can one eat in a lifetime/want you to remember me like I was/he said/remember us like we were/I think/so precious/she said/not that/write about her fiberglass hair/marshmallow cheeks/write about the giving tree/write about weaning/write about three years old/her finger stuck in the closet door/a snip of hair per day/look for answers in the scrambled eggs/thumb almond butter from her forehead/slice carrots/buy bouquets too big for the living room/clean everywhere but under the carpet/go to spin class/pedal furiously on a bike going nowhere/life is long/it’s later than you think.

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Recently:

-Cheryl Strayed’s piece, The Love of My Life

-Brian Doyle’s essay, Joyas Voladoras

-Reading a lot: Piranesi, We Have Always Lived in the Castle, and Here After, so far.

-We went to a bluegrass festival in May. I did not see her because I was carrying my overtired kiddo back to the tent, but I did get to hear Sierra Ferrell’s set, and listening to her live made me fall in love with her a little bit! Mostly this song.

-Skullcap & Peanut Butter is one of the first things I wrote postpartum, and this month it was published in Motherlore Magazine

-My daughter really likes Kanye West right now, but also seems a little self-conscious about it when I bring it up